


why uncle tony isn't allowed to make wizard of oz jokes anymore

by girl0nfire



Series: adventures of the soviet superfamily [1]
Category: Marvel, The Avengers - All Fandoms
Genre: Dasha Romanova-Barnes, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Gen, M/M, soviet superfamily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-17
Updated: 2012-09-17
Packaged: 2017-11-14 11:45:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl0nfire/pseuds/girl0nfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James has a chat with Tony about his gifts for Dasha.</p>
            </blockquote>





	why uncle tony isn't allowed to make wizard of oz jokes anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Dasha is the Russian diminutive of the English name Dorothy.

“ _Jaaaaaaaamesss_.”

Tony stretches out his name, rolling the vowels in his mouth and hissing on the _s_ , the whole thing ending an octave higher in a whine. James has always thought Tony is like a five-year-old; now that James lives with an actual five-year-old, though, he’s starting to peg Tony a little closer to three-and-a-half.

“Come on, big guy. Don’t be such a sour Soviet. I’m just trying hold on to my title as favorite uncle.”

James turns his back on Tony’s pouted face with a snort, but sure enough, he hasn’t even made the door before Tony’s throwing himself in the way, blocking the exit with his body. It would be humorous considering the fact that Tony only reaches about chest-high on James, but James is slightly more irritated than amused at the moment.

“Don’t call me that. Besides, I think you and I both know that you never had a _chance_ at the title of favorite uncle. Not with Steve around.”

Tony’s pout deepens, if that’s even possible, and James wonders if he were to smack that look off Tony’s face how much fast-talking it would take to convince Steve that his hand had slipped.

Maybe he could blame it on a tech glitch.

“Don’t remind me, Uncle Vanya. Just what I need, Uncle Spangles running around with the world’s cutest blonde child on his perfectly-sculpted super-soldier shoulders. Frankly, it’s gross, and you should all be ashamed.”

And that’s it. James has had about enough of the Russian jokes, and honestly, he’s ready to get back upstairs to his daughter.

“Listen, Tony, if this is about the robot…”

“Oh, you mean the robot Lollipop Guild I slaved over for _three weeks_ for Dasha’s birthday? The one that Natasha promptly put five bullets into the minute it was unveiled?”

“Tony, Dasha had nightmares about it for three weeks afterward. Come on, she’s only five, you can’t just surprise her with terrifying dancing midget robots.”

Tony crosses his arms and huffs. “Well, I’m not the one who insisted on naming my kid after the Wizard of Oz.”

James rolls his eyes at Tony. Honestly, he’s not so sure why Steve is so keen on adopting a child when he’s so obviously got the world’s largest one right here.

“Buck, I’m running out of comedy options here! Natasha put the kibosh on calling the little one ‘munchkin’, Steve made me sleep on the couch for a _week_ after I attempted to build her a working miniature replica of the Wizard’s hot air balloon, and now you’re going to keep our very own Dorothy away from her Toto?”

As if on cue, the small dog that had been the cause of their argument from the very beginning lets out a yip from where it’s sitting patiently in a cage atop Tony’s workbench.

“Tony, you can’t just _adopt a dog_ for Dasha without consulting Natasha and I first. Besides, I’m allergic, and Dasha still runs screaming from any kind of furry thing after the Furby debacle we had with Thor.”

“You’re a real grouch, Barnes. Someone ought to think about dropping a house on you.” Tony turns up his nose, pushing past James back inside his workshop before he makes a fruitless attempt at shoving him out.

Holding his hands up, James backs out of Tony’s shop, catching the glass door before Tony can slam it in his face.

“Tony… just so you know, she really does like you. You don’t have to try so hard.”

Tony stops trying to shove the door closed after a moment and looks up at James. “I just want her to be happy, you know? A kid like that, with parents and aunts and uncles that do what we do, she deserves to be the happiest, safest kid in the world.”

James smiles at Tony and lets go of the door, clapping the smaller man on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, Tony. She is. We’re all making damned sure of that.”

**Author's Note:**

> [The Furby Incident](http://vylla-art.tumblr.com/post/31794581182/ever-since-its-only-been-referred-to-as-the) done by a lovely, lovely artist friend on tumblr.


End file.
